WSMMI WISEMI Parenting Sharing Article: Parents who give their children to the elderly are worth a look! I was stunned

WSMMI WISEMI Parenting Sharing Article: Parents who give their children to the elderly are worth a look! I was stunned

One day, chatting with the editor, he asked me: “Mr. Xiao, what was your biggest feeling since you taught for many years?” I thought and said, “My biggest feeling is that many children are being spoiled.” The editor asked with a smile :"how do I say this?"

I said: “A lot of parents don’t raise children. They throw their children to the elderly, seldom stay with their children, children become orphans with parents, and many parents don’t understand children and don’t know what their children’s heart is thinking. The child acts on the surface to judge the child. The child is very painful, or submits, screams, or cries, or rebels.

Parents can not be aware of the child's pain and accuse the child of 'not obedient' and 'willful'. At this time, I feel sorry for these children. Someone may say that you are paradox and alarmist. Parents who do not want their children to grow up healthily and happily, and who want to spoil their children? However, it is a cruel fact that many parents are really ruining their children, but they are unaware. ”

Many young parents have thrown their children to the elderly after a few months (or even just the full moon) after they were born and they are happy to be at ease. I have a friend who will go to work on maternity leave. The child is handed to my grandparents. Both of them are masters, but they have not reached the "master" level in educating their children.

Friends think that it is the most important thing for young people to do a good job. Bringing children is a very simple matter and it is handed to the elderly. Their way of rearing is very backward: they focus on knowledge indoctrination, teach children literacy less than 1 year old, do not pay attention to the children's good habits, let children eat while eating, meat is chewed by adults and fed to children; It's fun to wear, but it's rarely with children.

I told them many times, how important the childhood experience is, and parents must accompany the children. However, they did not listen to suggestions and neither opposed nor accepted them. I think perhaps they feel disapproval inside, just because the face doesn't say anything. This kid is so cute. I want to help them and help them. But after watching them look like oil and salt, they had no choice but to stop there.

Before the child was 1 year old, we often played together. The child is very beautiful and his face is always filled with smiles. Come to our home and curiously feel there to look there. Innocent and lovely. About six months later, I saw the child again. It was already 1 year and 8 months old. There was no smile on his face, and he always had a frown. He saw us and walked away to Grandpa. I want to pull his hand. He puts his hand back and his eyes are full of shyness. The day was Sunday and friends rested.

When we went, friends did not accompany their children at home but played cards outside. The child followed his grandfather and watched TV in the large living room. His grandfather didn't talk much and he had no communication with the children. The room was full of life. The child squatted to the door and yelled at the door and yelled, “Mom.” I told the past and squatted down and asked him: “Do you want to find your mother?” The child nodded and his eyes fluttered and looked at the closed door. . When he was young, he knew that his mother was going out from here. He would go to find his mother from here.

Looking at the small, lonely figure, I couldn’t tell what it was like. In this luxuriously decorated room, the children eat, play, use, and everywhere, most of them are expensive.

But he didn’t have the most precious thing—it’s the company of his parents.

From Monday to Friday, my mother wants to go to work. Should I be able to spend time with my children over the weekend? However, my mother would rather work on the mahjong table than spend time with her children! The child is not happy at all. He is only one year old and he will not laugh.

The phenomenon of “will not support students” is very common. When most parents give birth to children, the burden of carrying the children falls on the elderly or the nanny, and some even throw their children at home. There was a mother whose child was 2 and a half years old and still couldn't speak, and was lonely. She hardly contacted other people. The doctor suspected atypical autism but could not confirm the diagnosis. The mother was extremely anxious. Her children have always been thrown in their old home belt. The elderly rarely communicate with their children and watch TV on their children all day long. This is the reason.

Although some parents take their children with them, due to various reasons or excuses, they rarely spend time with their children. Occasionally, they spend time with their children only, without interaction and communication. These children spend the day with the elderly and become orphans with parents!

If parents do not accompany their children, they may feel abandoned and lose their sense of security. The sense of security is the basis of mental health. It is like the foundation of a tall building. There is no foundation. How can a tall building be built?

Parents do not have children themselves, children will sooner or later have problems

The old man expressed love for children more than children, unconditionally meet the needs of children. However, from the psychological development of the child's psychological needs can not replace the child's parents, the child's emotional attachment needs of the parents can not be satisfied, so that the intergenerational education on the child's personality development is not satisfactory.

Intergenerational Education's Influence on Children's Personality

1, easy to excessive love and indulgence, so that children too "self-centered", affecting the development of self-consciousness, the formation of selfish, willful unhealthy personality.

When the children have unreasonable demands, the old people adopt more methods and attitudes of obedience and satisfaction. It is easy for the children to have a sense of “self-centeredness”. Children who have had mistakes cannot be corrected in time, and the children’s unreasonable desires. Unprincipled will be met. Even if parents try to change their minds, the old man's role as an umbrella protects the child, and the child will have no fear of it. If he does not, he will cry out loud enough to achieve undivided demands.

2. The replacement and protection of the elderly is more obstruction and hinders the development of children's independent ability.

The proportion of ancestors arranged in place of their fathers is obviously higher than that of their fathers. Imagine that the old people do not hesitate to sort through it again and again; when the child has already walked, grandparents and grandchildren must hold the stairs up and down; when the children eat, they worry that the children cannot eat, and they swear. Or chase hurriedly to feed, this kind of practice does not precisely bind the children's hands and feet, missed the “self-organizing, belonging to the place, eat yourself” sensitive period, resulting in the child's slow movement, poor independence, one-time When you are in difficulty, you will lose confidence and you will only shout and wait for others to help. You will not try and exercise. Only you will cry and lose your temper.

3, intergenerational education can easily wipe out the child's natural curiosity, adventurousness and innovative spirit.

The old people are vulnerable to traditional ideas, accept new things slowly, and lag behind in the concept of education and parenting. The thinking patterns and lifestyles that have been formed for many years are not easy to change. They want their children to be well-behaved, obedient, and steady, and they are not good at guiding children in a scientific and creative way.

Adventures and innovative inquiry behaviors such as "disorderly" and "disruptive" appearing in children's curiosity are always hurriedly stopped. For example, when a child catches several ants for feeding, when the child pulls off the orchid in the pot to see what the root looks like, when the child happily dismantles a toy car, his grandparents always stop and criticize it.

Because, in their consciousness, playing ants is very dirty, pulling flowers is a cause for confusion, a perfect toy car can't "break". They believe that these children's outrageous practices are bad behaviors and must be corrected immediately. Imagine how children who grew up in such a family environment can develop innovative personality.

4. Lack of educational consciousness and improper education methods of the old people make it easy for children to miss a good opportunity for friendly communication and good quality (such as humility and love of labor).

5, easily lead to children with narrow vision, lack of energy, psychological aging.

Most elderly people are older and prefer to be quiet, do not love sports and do not love to go out. Children live with their grandparents day and night, and have long been confined to the old people's living space and atmosphere. The earwigs and imitations are the words and deeds of the elderly people. When they open their mouths to speak adult words, they tend to lose their natural naivety.

In addition, there are few activities to go out. On the one hand, a small amount of exercise, the lack of physical exercise will cause the body to be weak and sick; on the other hand, the less knowledge in the family and the less exposure to new things, may lead to a narrow vision of the child, lack of vitality, afraid to face People are born and will not deal with matters themselves. Severe ones can also lead to children's narrow-mindedness, stubbornness, withdrawal, mental aging, and so on. The ancestors' values, lifestyles, knowledge structure, and education methods are more or less different from those of modern society. In addition, the ancestors must also have the characteristics of the elderly physically and psychologically.

So, if you have to leave your child with your parents, please spend more time with your child.

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